Madonna in the Winter; Madonna in the Spring

A look back at the ever evolving Madonna, pride and joy of countless gay make-up artists, stylists, and photographers over the years, via the "official" 2009 Madonna calendar.

Perhaps she will see this and realize: it's time to retire. Or at least put on some pants. Maybe return for an one year engagement at Caesars Palace in five years. But that's it.

Fat faced Madonna, so dorky and precious

Guilty pleasures: Who's that Girl and Desperately Seeking Susan

This was the first time Madonna took her pants off (and seduced a little boy in the peep show). Good times.

This look was so boring. But f-ing a black statue turned priest falsely accused of raping a white woman, wasn't.

Guess she too had to shop at Sears during the credit crunch in the 80's. Or was she channeling Faye Dunaway?

The Ray of Light motif was cool. She and Janet Jackson both were hopping around in the sun in big fat raver pants at the time - pretty funny.

Madonna as "Hooker without a Stall"

Remember her "I'll Remember" video for the soundtrack of the movie With Honors starring Brendan Fraser and Joe Pesci, where she was rocking the beret? Neither do I (apparently Monica Lewinsky was the only one who took it literally)

Like this photo. Very Italian Vogue circa 1993.

Music, makes the people, take their pants off .. yeaaaa

Madge! You're mad! You can never be Britney. Just stop it!

If you ask me, Madonna was at her most sensual in the completely exquisite music video "Take a Bow". I'd imagine this was the woman Guy Ritchie signed up for - soft, vulnerable, clad in lacy, La Perla style lingerie, and rolling around in gourmet Italian bedsheets doing god knows what to her kitten.

.. and not this.

Apparently the couple has not had sex in 18 months, due to her preference to pump iron but not him.

"And on the rare occasions when they did hook up: Guy said it was like cuddling up to a piece of gristle. All the soft feminine tones have been replaced by the build of an athlete.”

I know what you all are thinking ..... what the heck is "gristle"?
[Noun] Tough stringy animal tissue found in meat [Old English] Makes sense right?

Lesson learned - Ease up on the working out and you won't be dumped by your husband. Are you listening, girls?

[ via: Fametastic UK, Drowned Madonna ]